Day in the Life

It's Funny How Life Turns Out

2010-09-01T11:44:00.004-06:00

On July 22nd, my friend and I took a much-needed vacation to Jamaica. It was B-E-A-UTIFUL and very fun. Even if it WAS sans luggage.
We arrived in Jamaica at about 12:30 a.m. on July 23rd. Yes, we were late. Blame it on my terrible "luck" (or what is the opposite of luck? Curse?) in traveling. The plane to Jamaica was delayed due to the airplane having a cracked windshield...
?
When have you EVER heard of a plane getting a cracked windshield?

As we approached the baggage claim area in Jamaica, I couldn't see my bag.
It was one of those moments like when you walk out of a store and look at where you think you parked your car and it's not there. Aka, a Panic Attack. Turns out, Delta told me, that someone stole my luggage from the Baggage Claim area. It had been scanned in, but once it got out to the floor, they no longer could find it anywhere.
I was DEVASTATED.
I mean, BAWLING. It doesn't help a situation like this to actually have Panic Disorder, and the drugs to help you NOT have an attack are in the aforementioned M.I.A. luggage.

Meh.
Life goes on.
I didn't let it ruin my trip. I'm not too attached to physical things. I AM, however, quite sentimental about the littlest things. This sock, that bra, these swimswims... all have great stories behind them.

Fast-forward to last night, August 31st.
It's 9:45 P.M. and I'm leaving class, and see that I have a missed call and a voicemail. I'm walking with friends mind you. It's funny how you can multi-task on certain activities in some situations and not others. I.e., I'm perfectly capable of walking, listening to voicemails, and carrying on conversations with people I'm walking with.
However, once this voicemail started, I had to come to a HAULT!!!!
It was a lady from Delta.
They had located my luggage, and they were going to send it out for delivery immediately.

I bawl almost hysterically.
Then, I speed home.

I'm going through stashes of purses and nooks and crannies trying to find the key to the lock to my suitcase. What if they bring it to me, and it still has the lock on it, and I have no way of opening it?? THAT would be my "Luck" (curse?)

Waiting.
Sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping. Isn't that a song?
Go lay down on my bed.
...

Next thing I know, the guy is ringing my doorbell at 1:02 A.M. ? Where the heck has he been?

When I opened the door, the guy had left it standing on end in front of my door, and already was getting back in the elevator.
Like, “I’m just going to leave this here. I don’t care if the lady didn’t hear me knock and if anyone steals it. This broad has been without this shiz for over a month”.

I stared dotingly at my bag.
Oh, I love you, Bag.

I pulled it in to my apartment, unzipped all the pouches, and noticed that nothing seemed to be missing (except key exterior items; ie, a lock, a zipper pull, my name placard).
I went into the bathroom, took a Klonopin and a bath, and went to bed.

This morning I woke up and pulled everything out individually.

My black dress.
I pulled it out, held it up in front of me by the shoulders, stared at it admiringly with my head tilted to the side and stars in my eyes, then pulled it in to my chest and gave it an extraordinarily loving hug. * Muah* Black Dress.

My Rainbows.
Black ones. and Tan ones.
Ironically, my backordered replacement Black Rainbows should be delivered today. Sigh. I had to work so hard and wait so long to get these replacements. Do I just turn around and return them?
I tried the left one of each on, because I already had my boot on my right foot. I wanted to wear my black ones to work today.

My swimswims.
My swimswims. : ( I had put them all in a plastic grocery bag when packing. Thinking of all the moments and pictures I wish I had been wearing them instead of my too-small, cheaply-made obligatory purchases made me upset, so I did NOT pull them out and love them. I will do that tonight. Because the pool in my complex is open again.

My jewelry.
Oh, you sexy ivory bangle, you. But not real ivory. That’s cruel. But it looks like it. Looks great with sexy jeans and a black top.
And miscellaneous earrings. Hoopies and Turquoise danglies. Oh, you guys are just too much. Who could live without you?
Necklaces! You get on my neck RIGHT this instant! Oh, my jade-beaded necklace. I wore you to Club Jam only a week before I left, where a gay man asked me if you were a real “Pearl Necklace”. We both giggled. Yes, you did too, Jade-beaded necklace.

My skirts, sundresses, and swimswim wraps.
You were each dearly missed. I’m saddened at the thought of loss of usage over the past month during other excursions.
Next year, sexy black Victoria’s Secret Swimswim Cover-up-- I say as I shake my finger at it-- Next year.

... Unless, of course, I can talk Delta in to giving me a flight somewhere warm and sunny where I can wear my stuff all over again. Then, maybe sooner. : )
But with my traveling luck/curse, I'm not going to plan on it.

The beginning picture of this post is one I took on our way hiking through random Jamaican jungle. I found the self-made fencing beautiful in a way. Little did I know, that behind that shanty of a wall, was this breath-taking natural crystal-clear spring.
In life, you just don't know what's hiding behind third-world shanty fences...

And today, I feel a complete contentness with the Universe.
Thank you, Karma.

The Good Ol' Days

2010-07-14T16:46:00.003-06:00

This morning I awoke to discover I had slept in over an hour. I also got up and discovered further that there was no hot water in my entire apartment complex. Sure did need a shower.
Awesome.
Dug through my enormous closet to find something FAST to wear. Oh, what's this, cute little striped wrap dress from H & M? Well, hello there! I must have bought you a year ago, and literally worn you like, twice.
Awesome. Tie that thing around me, and I am outta my place like a bat out of hell... Which is apparently the only location to find rapid-paced bats. Or so the legend goes...
Anyway,
As if my fury of a morning at my abode wasn't enough, as soon as I walked into my office I encountered a whole slew of disasters needing dealt with.
As I'm running around, this creepy, I wanna say Vietnamese, custodial/grounds keeper guy just watches me pass. His head was not really moving, but just his eyes. Perhaps it's a sign I watch too much SVU. I immediately start repeating in my head, "PLEASE don't end up dead and raped in a dumpster... PLEASE don't end up dead and raped in a dumpster"...
As I'm almost past him, he hops to his feet and says, "Good Morning, your excellency", as he bowed in half and moved his arm in a circular motion.
..
?
Uh, Como?
I just smiled and nodded and picked up the pace a little bit to where I was going.

Then, just before lunch, I was standing at a desk, and an older customer stopped next to me and just looked me up and down.
I turn my head toward him and give him the Raised-Eyebrow, "What the F do you think you're doing?" look. He slowly starts speaking. "I couldn't help but notice how TALL you are. And.. how.. STATUESQUE you are!"
.
Seriously?

Why all the creepers?
What happened to the good old days of just saying, "Why hello there, complete stranger. You look great today" ?

A Brief Rant

2010-06-16T10:30:00.012-06:00

... To Continue on with my Fashion Faux Pas education...

* This post may be uncomfortable for men. If this gets your panties in a bunch, please disregard. *

I see this EVERY DAY of my working life.
I ask you; nay, i BEG you-- What is wrong with society today?

It has come to my attention that I should host another Webinar.

Entitled:
VPL: Visible Panty Line and you. Where to draw the line.

Ladies. (and some gentlemen). I don't want to be crass. But honestly. Let's get real here. We wear our Underwear UNDER our clothing for a reason. No one else wants to see it. Well. Some people may want to see it. But that needs to stay in your bedroom.

There are several components to keeping your skivvies a well-hidden secret.

* Number 1: Please don't wear clothing that's too tight. Mike D might have lyricized, "Her pants are tight and that's ok", but that cannot be applied as a generality toward all women. If you wear too-tight pants, no underwear in the world is going to be ok.
Case in point:

One might say, "What about one of those 'thongs' I've heard so much about. They're a cure-all for VPL's, aren't they?

Wrong.

* Number 2: Don't wear underwear that's too tight. Be them briefs, boyshorts, thongs, or any other style. Unless you have less than 1% body fat, your skin/fat rolls will be occipitally offensive.
Let me introduce Exhibit A.

Thongs need to be loose enough that they do not leave an indentation on the skin.
That being said, even if you have a fit body and your thong is well-fitted, some outfits just need to be paired with either Spanx or going commando.

Entre Exhibit B.

Now.
On to Parachute Panties.

Heck-to-the-No.
I understand women that would like a more "total support and comfort". However, Parachute Panties are not the answer. Your pants will inevitably gap in back, and these things bunch up and look like they are ready to deploy at any second to be used as a flotation device.
* Number 3: Do not wear parachute panties. The top of your panties should never come higher than your hip bone.

I will share just one last rule before I wrap up this post.
Concerning White pants/skirts/shorts/clothing.
Yes, when you wear a black shirt, it is a good idea to wear black underwear.
When you wear red clothing, it is a good idea to wear red underwear.
HOWEVER!!!
When you wear white ANYTHING!!!! , DO NOT WEAR WHITE UNDERWEAR.
Actually,
you should never wear white underwear.
Ever.

* Number 4: When wearing white, be sure to wear tan/pink/flesh-colored underwear. White only enhances the underwear borders. Flesh-colored blends in with the skin, so you can't tell where flesh ends and underwear begins.

Remember, these are called "Unmentionables". They should also be "Unseeables".

You are welcome.

DeMotivational

2010-06-02T16:07:00.003-06:00

After a conversation last night, I decided to share with you one of my most fantastically Debbie-Downer of all time e-mail convos with a guy I work with...
It was a friday afternoon, and I was just in "one of those moods"...
And e-mail signatures just happen to be a VERY passionately-refuted ill of mine.
The following convo has been edited. ***** appear to protect identity. #### appear to censor.

________________________________________

From: Matt A*****
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 2:46 PM
To: Megan Breinholt
Subject: RE: Eve

What time do you want me there?

Matt A****
Outpatient Services Specialist
Travel Clinic
801.581.*****
Matt.*****@hsc.utah.edu
“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”

________________________________________
From: Megan Breinholt
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 2:55 PM
To: Matt *****
Subject: RE: Eve

I can’t believe you have that saying on your signature. Do they REALLY conquer all things? If you have no eyeballs, but want to see a picture… Is enough energy and persistence really going to make you be able to see?
No.

The only thing that comes from persistence is the agitation of other people.

Guess what, people with sayings and doodles and comics and slogans and cartoons and motivational pictures of a baby dressed up like a bumble bee and scriptures all unavoidably involved with your e-mail signatures….
NO ONE CARES!
They just want to know how to contact you.
*gasp*

Ha.

________________________________________
From: Matt *****
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 2:57 PM
To: Megan Breinholt
Subject: RE: Eve

Well Im pretty offended by your rude comments regarding my signature. Excuse the sh## outta me for me trying to inspire people with my emails!!!

________________________________________
From: Megan Breinholt
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 3:02 PM
To: Matt *****
Subject: RE: Eve

The only thing signatures like that inspire me to do is gouge my eyeballs out, nail my tongue to my desk, and never want to see an e-mail containing that phrase ever again.
:-D

Have a super nice day!!

________________________________________
From: Matt *****
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 3:14 PM
To: Megan Breinholt
Subject: RE: Eve

#####.

Matt A*****
Outpatient Services Specialist
Travel Clinic
801.581.****
Matt.a****@hsc.utah.edu
“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”

________________________________________
From: Megan Breinholt
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 3:21 PM
To: Matt *****
Subject: RE: Eve

No they don’t.

________________________________________
From: Matt *****
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 3:31 PM
To: Megan Breinholt
Subject: RE: Eve

They do if you’re a good person with a positive attitude.

________________________________________
From: Megan Breinholt
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 3:54 PM
To: Matt *****
Subject: RE: Eve

My grandma had amazing energy and the most honorable attitude, and persisted with her pancreatic cancer longer than Patrick Swayze was able to persist his.
Neither of them “conquered” it.

Unless by “conquer”, you mean “died”. ?
Maybe you should reconsider the “conquer” part of your motivational, and replace it with something else..
Maybe “helps you deal with”.
Or “makes you a target for”…
Whatd’ya think about that?

Or.

I do understand the many things a good person can accomplish with a positive attitude.
But they can’t conquer ALL things.
As Benjamin Franklin stated, no one will ever be able to “conquer” death or taxes.
THAT, my friend, is a true statement.
You should use that as your Signature Saying.

Or maybe you could reconsider the “all things”, and replace it with, “a lot of things”, or “most things”…
Just some suggestions…
:-D
________________________________________
From: Matt *****
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 4:05 PM
To: Megan Breinholt
Subject: RE: Eve

Well that all depends on what you view as conquering something. Maybe she conquered it by not letting it wreck her spirits. Everyone dies, so as humans we aren’t really conquered by death unless we let it break our spirits. Otherwise death is just a part of life. So as long as you go out with grace, maybe an “energetic” or “persistent” attitude, you’ve conquered it.

Hey, look, my energy and persistence have “conquered” your ridiculous notions!!

________________________________________
From: Megan Breinholt
Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 4:27 PM
To: Matt *****
Subject: RE: Eve

Oh lordy. If you’re going 12-year-old-girl on me for giving you a hard time, you’ve already wrecked my spirits.

Hey with your energy and persistence, why don’t stop wasting time with my ridiculous notions, and conquer world hunger, world peace, earthquakes in the Sudan, and cancer.
Those are “all things” not yet conquered.

If you’re going to go all philosophical-rhetoric on me in re-defining what “conquer” means, and that you’re “life-altering slogan” is only in reference to “Spiritual” conquering, and are going to completely disregard “ALL THINGS” including physical incapabilities, you need to include that qualifier in your motivational.

“Energy and persistence spiritually and morally conquer all things”.

Or.

“Energy and persistence conquer all things of a spiritual or moral nature”.

+-~* Affectionately*~-+,
-Megs

I Want to Ride My Bicycle

2010-05-18T09:40:00.008-06:00

Once upon a time, yesterday was the warmest day of the year.

And after a weekend of SERIOUS couch-potatoage, I finally got the bee in my bonnet to take my roadbike Ruthie out for the season's maiden voyage.
It was a lovely day. Warm but overcast. Birds chirping. Green leaves and blossoms a-plenty.
So I dug around in my storage unit and closets trying to find my bike pump.
No dice.
Who knows where it is. Which is sad. Because it was totally cute and lime green. Not easily misplaceable.
I call Contender Bicycles to see if they were still open. The man answers, "Contender Bic...", and I interrupt him.
"Are you guys still open???"
A pause. "We close at seven."
"What time is it right now?"
A pause. "Seven".
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo.
So, I get in my car and drive down to Smith's Fred Meyer. They're open. They've got to have a cheap pump to get me through today.
What's more pathetic than DRIVING to a store to buy a tire pump to go for a bicycle ride?
Oh yeah, the rest of this story...
So I'm ho-humming my options at Smith's Fred Meyer. Not looking too promising. Not only do 99% of them only have the standard Schrader nozzle, but they're all pretty much plastic.
I find a pump that has an attachment to convert the Schrader nozzle into my Presta. I see that it has a "Three Year Warranty", so in haste, I purchase.
Returning home, I'm giddy. I'm humming/whistling the melody to Herman's Hermits "I'm in to Something Good". I get the pump all ready to fill'er up and start pumping the back tire.

SNAP.

Within about 4 pumps, this heavy duty, 3-year warrantied's Presta attachment breaks.
In half.
Awesome.

Ug.
So I forcefully hold the nozzle on the valve and continue to pump until the tire is at a somewhat-tolerably-full,-enough-to-get-me-through-a-few-miles level.
Ok, now the front tire.
Jimmy-rig it so it's barely clamped onto the valve with this "heavy-duty" but broken nozzle.

Pump.
Pump.

PPSSSSSSSTTTTT!

?
I'm sorry, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!
Oh cool. I broke the tip off my tire valve. This is awesome.
I slowly slide my back down the wall until my butt hits the floor. I rest my elbows on my knees and give the pump the Stink-Eye.
I mull over my options.
Door number 1, raise the white flag. It was a valiant effort, but wasn't in the cards to ride tonight. Just accept your losses, and get into your jammies. Law & Order is on.
Door number 2, pull yourself together, Woman! This is a BIKE PUMP for crying out loud. Get out an extra inner-tube and get this ordeal under control.
...
Another glare to the pump.
Alright, Pump. I don't like you. You are immediately going back to Smith's Fred Meyer where you came from. Well, you were just sold at Smith's Fred Meyer. I am actually willing to bet that you came from Hell. But if you get me through this, I'll wait till TOMORROW to take you back there. Deal?
Huff-n-puff.
Get the new tube in. Now. Caress the pump nozzle. It is your friend. I didn't lock it on the valve, but just held it in place and pumped and pumped and pumped and pumped until, like the front tire, it was tolerable just to get me through a few miles.

SWEEET! Let's go!
First off, apparently I need to clean up a bit.

Check.
So Ruthie and I are off. I decide to swing by my sister's house and use her nice bike pump just for precaution's sake.
It was a very nice ride. Although my new place's location near the top of Capital Hill isn't very conducive to finishing strong.. :-S But I did it. Felt good. And I'm looking forward to my pump-swap this evening.

Definitely before Seven.

And the collateral damage?

Apples to Apples

2010-04-21T14:19:00.004-06:00

There are a few different options when a student is considering doing an MBA at the U of U.
There’s the full-time day MBA program, there’s the executive MBA, and there is the night Professional MBA program, which boasts,
“A rigorous 48 credit hour program with flexibility to create an individualized educational experience”.

The PMBA program is a two-year program for professionals that work during the day. Although the course line-up shows students taking 6 semesters to graduate and finishing in August, many students in past cohorts have taken an extra course here and there to be able to complete the program in 5 semesters so that they could graduate in May. That is what many in the PMBA graduating class of 2011 had also intended to do.
So it was a shock to many students when we received an unexpected e-mail Monday morning from the Assistant Dean of the business school saying:
_______________________________________
From: [mailto:DESB-ProfessionalMB@umail.utah.edu]
Sent: Monday, April 19, 2010 10:46 AM
To: pmba-2011@lists.utah.edu
Subject: [pmba-2011] Message to all Professional MBA students who have registered for additional credits

Dear Professional MBA Class of 2011,

As per the policy of the Professional MBA program, you should be registered for a maximum of six credit hours in summer semester and nine credit hours in fall semester. If you have exceeded these prescribed numbers of credits, please withdraw from these additional elective courses by 12:00 noon on Wednesday, April 21. If, after that time, your schedules have not been adjusted, the PMBA Office will drop courses for you. In an effort to provide students on the wait lists an opportunity for electives, the elective courses will be dropped first.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Brad Vierig,
Assistant Dean
______________________________________

During the course of Monday, many students tried to contact the dean’s office and the PMBA office to get clarification of this said “policy”.
As a matter of coincidence, the Dean, associate dean, and assistant dean, all have taken the next 2 weeks off and cannot be reached until early May.

In one of my e-mails, I stated that I am not the only person that is having a hard time understanding this.
To which, I got this response from the PMBA advisor,
“Actually, the vast majority of students don’t seem upset by this”.

I couldn’t believe it. So I sent out “feeler” e-mails to people in class that I frequently talk to.
As of last night, 24 hours after the e-mail was sent, I had received e-mails from at least 25+ students who are also having a hard time understanding this new policy, and saying that it was effecting their future plans/goals. And I hadn’t even contacted half of the cohort. So I'm really interested to know how many this “Vast Majority” the PMBA is referring to really is.

I met with a PMBA advisor yesterday wanting answers to my questions:
-Why are they instituting this new policy?
-If it has always been a PMBA policy, why are they only starting to enforce it now, half way through our program?
-- If they have decided to enforce it, shouldn’t they wait for the incoming cohort this fall?
-Where has this policy been provided to me in writing?

The Advisor first of all, in my opinion, was thrown under a bus from the dean’s office administration. They left her here to deal with complaining and upset students by herself, even though she has no power to do anything about it.

It was a frustrating meeting.

When I asked why other cohorts up to this current year were able to take excess credit hours but we are now not, she said, “This is a completely different program than past cohorts. We’ve changed things.”, And just kept insisting that this was a completely new program, like comparing apples to oranges.

Even though it is comparing PMBApples to PMBApples.

When I asked where this had been provided in writing that we couldn’t take excess hours, she said, “We never said you could”.
I said, “You never said we couldn’t”.
And another round or two of “We never said you could”, “You never said we couldn’t” passed.
In my understanding, unless specified otherwise by a department or program, protocol follows University regulations. And University regulations allows students to register for as many hours as they feel they can handle the coursework for.

I’ve asked the PMBA advisor to schedule an information session with the dean’s admin as soon as they are available. Which will be in early May. Which may be too late. Because as the e-mail said that we received two days ago, our classes are being withdrawn without our permission today, as I type this.
I and many students are very frustrated because we can't seem to get answers, even though we are trying to follow the proper chain of command.

Does this make any sense? Any suggestions on how to get answers?

A Citizen for Fashion Faux-Pas Education

2010-04-06T21:10:00.009-06:00

Attention citizens:
If you cannot intellectually dress yourself, please consider yourself banished from my scope of vision.
From now on, I'm selectively viewing people's choices in ensembles, and will only see people whose outfits are pleasing to me.
I would like to hold perhaps a webinar on articles of clothing with both form + function.

Most may be familiar with this travesty:

Sandals::
form: strapped sturdy shoes.
function: keep feet cool when the weather is warm.
Socks::
form: stretchy tubes of warmth.
function: keep feet warm when the weather is cool.
A physical oxymoron.

Get it?

...

However, there is another, LESS known, fashion faux pas.
IMHO, HOWEVER LESS KNOWN, IT IS IN NO WAY LESS OFFENSIVE TO MY EYEBALLS.

Entre` de short sleeve vs. fleece vest calamité.

Short sleeve shirt::
form: worn on upper torso with shortened sleeves.
function: promotes airflow to pits when the weather is warm.
Fleece vest::
form: worn on upper torso with no sleeves.
function: keeping the core of the body warm when the weather is cool.

Not.
O.
Kay.

Each item is fine to be worn independently, but the combination of wearing both is offensive and counterproductive.

To those who might be shocked by the lesson learned in this entry, please enroll in my webinar.

E.O.D.

2010-02-26T14:49:00.003-07:00

It is perhaps superfluous to say that with the beginning of the year, one thinks back on the last year, for whatever reasons.

Maybe to measure just how far you've come along the path of "Becoming a better person".
Maybe to note the mistakes made, and vow to steer clear of those potholes in the future.
Or maybe to reminisce on the fantastic ensembles you'd purchased on massive sale.

On an uplifting side of this last year, there is one focus in the Realm of Meg that has been vastly improved upon.

The dating scene.

Since my first high school boyfriend, I have continuously had a steady boyfriend. It's not that 'Having a Boyfriend' is something that I felt defined me; I wasn't a desperate creeper. They just always just fell in to place.
After a massive break-up last January, I am happy to submit my Exclusively-Dated Tally Year-End report:
0.
That's right, people.
Goose-egg.
In the decade since I first embarked on my dating journey, it is the first year I didn't have a "S.O."
No, instead, I rolled up my sleeves and got in there.
Into the dating scene.
Well, as much as I could tolerate, anyway.
And the greatest accomplishment I feel I can claim from this past year:

I am an Equal Opportunity Dater.

During the course of one year, I went out with:
- Multiple men with children
-- A hand full of them with children only 10 years younger than me.
- Multiple divorced men.
- A Chinese man.
- A Navajo man.
- A black man.
- A deaf man.
- A man in a wheelchair.
- A man with one arm.
- A man with a full sleeve tattoo.
- A man with gauged ears.
- A man almost twice my age.
- A man nearly a foot shorter than me.
- A red-head.
- And the rest, who were neither stimulating nor noteworthy.

Idle Minds

2009-12-30T11:42:00.006-07:00

So yesterday I had a sore throat. Since I work at a hospital, they told me to take the day off... Mind you, I wasn't SUPER sick-- I didn't have a fever or anything, but, if your work tells you not to come in, whattareyagunnado?
Hum...
Call Sis.
Wanna go shopping?
Sure.
Finish shopping.
What now?
Wanna go get tattoos?
Sure.
Explanation:
My sis and I have been talking for years of going in and getting tats together. Although over the years, my idea of what I wanted has changed, we knew we wanted them.
My sis has been crazy-mad-running this past year or so. She's done a handful of marathons and half-marathons.
Good for her.
I personally feel that the human body doesn't want to run more than 10 miles in a day. But whatevs.
For those who are unfamiliar with the history of marathons, please read my sister Jill's blog post http://jillatoz.blogspot.com/2009/07/what-is-marathon.html .
According to legend, with his last breath, Phidippides stated "Νενικήκαμεν", or "We are Victorious".
So,
this is what Nancy got:

Like a Glove

2009-12-11T10:13:00.004-07:00

I knew from a very young age that I was different.
I remember watching movies, such as Ace Ventura, where the phrase was stated, "Like a Glove!"
Me: Discombobulated.
Rest of world: Resolute.
Cue retrospection.

I would look at my hands, and have visions of wintertimes and me trying to fit my boundless digits into confining mitts. It was like trying to stuff one of those big puffy sleeping bags into the tiny carrying bag it came with. You NEVER could get it back in there like the day you bought it.
Reluctantly, I would make do and don the gloves, dealing with the sensation of having webbed hands. After all, I only had to deal with the webbedness for about a week before my fingertips would push themselves out the top of my gloves, creating trendy fingerless gloves. It was like a person trying to deal with a pair of pants too short; Sag them down, and you have webbed-crotch. Pull them up, and your ankles despise you.
Hence, the description of fitting "Like a Glove" confounded me. Why would you ever want anything to fit like gloves fit on me? No thank you.
Fast-forward to last night. After already convertible-izing two pair of gloves this season, I went to the store to buy new ones. I was in a reflecting mood. There were decorations that reminded me of my dearly-missed grandmother. As I made my way to the "Winter Accessories" section, i saw some Isotoners. My mother has them. My grandmother had them. They must be good. But will they fit?
I perused the selection, and noted the incredible texture.. Genuine leather. Hm.. Lined with cashmere... Hmm... There was a notably sexier-than-the-rest pair, which also had lycra in the mixture. It was the only pair i could find like them, so i tried them on.

Snug.
Marvelously snug.
And my fingertips weren't crammed.
Room to breathe?
Stretchy-yet durably warm delights.
Like a glove.

Science Rocks!

2009-09-24T16:44:00.003-06:00

So, are you like me, and are a creature of habit?
While sitting at your boring job at your boring desk, do you have a favorite ceiling tile you like to stare at?
At your place of occupation, do you have your favorite stall in the restroom?
I do.
And yes, I get irritated if someone else is occupying it when I walk in the door. I tend to choose my favorite stall very logically, and usually based on location (i.e., you never want your favorite stall to be one close to the door).
But at my current job, I based my decision on geology.
I guarantee that 99% of women that go into this stall don't even see this, because in real-life it is about the size of my pinky fingernail.
And who knew that bathroom stalls these days were even made of actual rock, and not just a combo of particle board and formica?
But anyway, it's my special treasure.

Sufferin' Until Suffrage

2009-08-24T16:05:00.002-06:00

My how far we've come.
A few weeks ago, I started the next journey in my life-- the MBA program.
So far, so good. It has been AMAZING. My brain has missed the stimulation.
In my current class of about 65 students, there are 8 of us women. It makes me think back to my mother going to school here 40+ years ago and taking her math classes. Sheesh. A little male-dominated much?
I started feeling a little underrepresented, a little insignificant, a little... you get the picture. That is, until it came Break Time during class. Once a break time had been announced, all the students poured out of the doors into the hallways for drinks, snacks, pit stops, etc (it happens when the class is 8 hours long). I walked over toward the bathrooms and saw a gathering of men. I made chit-chat, smirking something about how apparently the men's restroom was the COOL place to be. Then it dawned on me. They were all in line, out the door, to use the restroom.
And the sight has been repeated every day of class since then.
It makes me so joyful to see. For ONCE these guys can comprehend a LITTLE how I have felt at every sporting event, every concert, every movie I've ever needed to use the restroom at ever.
And, at that moment, I felt an equalness in the universe.

Dam Lesbians

2009-07-07T09:39:00.002-06:00

Tonight has finally come. The anticipation is killing me. It's once again time for the Indigo Girls concert to come to Salt Lake.
I freaking LOVE the Indigo Girls. Their voices, their harmonies, their lyrics... It's all good. My sister equally loves the Indigo Girls. One year we saw them in concert up at Deer Valley, and feeling out of place among all the lesbians, we shrugged our shoulders and decided to join 'em, and spent the rest of the concert with one arm over the other's shoulder.
This memory triggers a story not told too often; perhaps not often enough.
Back in 2003 my sis and I went on a road trip to Phoenix and on the way we decided to stop at Hoover Dam. We were walking around and about 10 yards in front of us there was an old man being pushed in his wheelchair by perhaps his son. As they got nearer the old man yelled "STOP!" to his son. I swear his wheels SCREECHed to a hault. The old man pointed with his decrepit crooked finger at my sis and me and says, very matter-of-factly, as if this was an educational lesson not to be missed, "NOW THOSE ARE LESBIANS!"
My eyes grew wide. I looked at my sis and she looked at me, and we just smiled and walked past them with our arms around each other.

This Old Airport's Got Me Down

2009-06-12T15:43:00.006-06:00

Incase I have not mentioned before (Oh, I know I have. See Holiday Inn? post), I have the WORST luck when traveling.
Over the past couple years of flying, I've sort of given up on assuming flights will be on time, etc.
In May I flew to Vegas to visit friends. Due to my flight being delayed, I was forced to take a taxi from the airport to the Mirage. I got in the taxi (my first solo experience) and the driver says "Do you wanna take the Freeway?". Thinking and thinking, I say "Um. No. Isn't it just right over there? Just take the surface streets."
I was daydreaming that I had really jumped into the Cash Cab and Ben Bailey was starting to drill me with random pop/cultural trivia and I'd get every answer right, and I would get money AND a free cab ride. As I awoke from my daydream, I realized the cab driver was taking me DOWN THE STRIP. UUGGGGGHH. I HATE driving the strip. Even when I'm in my OWN car, let alone when I have to PAY for the ride. I looked at the cabfare counter, and I said to the driver in my lack-of-assertive way, "Oh, I don't care to be on the strip. You can take whatever back streets to get me to the Mirage". I didn't want to sound like a cheapskate. She said that she couldn't get off the strip now because of construction. Ay, dios! Twenty-Five bucks and a tip later, she lets me out at the Mirage. So just FYI: if you are a taxi-virgin like I was, have your course planned out, and TELL the driver what streets you'd prefer them take.
After making myself comfortable on this trip, it was time to drive back to the airport (I sigh... wondering what problems will occur this time around...). Well, we were on the other side of Hoover Dam, and holiday weekend traffic held us up on the damn dam for over 2 hours. Hence, I missed my flight back. Which, I know according to Murphy's Law, had to have been on time, had little turbulence, and landed with grace as a skeeter on water. No, I had to pay extra for the next flight out in the morning.
Fast forward 2 weeks.
Last minute decision to fly down to Vegas again. Many things happening that weekend. A buddy's band, a comedy show, a trip to the lake, etc... At 4:35 on Friday afternoon I decide to book a flight down departing at 6:00 pm or so. Well, that flight was an hour and a half late so I just barely made it to see my buddy's show (1/3 of the reasons I flew down in the first place). The tardiness of flight was soon forgotten and I had a wonderful weekend. Monday morning my friend and I were sound asleep, and at 4:00 AM I was awakened by a phone call. Ugh. Who calls at 4 AM?! NO WHERE IN THE WORLD would it be ok to call a person at this time. I almost didn't answer it. It was an unknown number. But then I decided it might be some emergency or whatnot. So I answer. It's an automated message saying that my flight had been canceled. Not delayed. Canceled all together. I look at my friend in the pitch dark and I know we simultaneously rolled our eyes, then laughed hysterically. I couldn't even be surprised. Or mad. This is just my fate I've accepted. So I "pressed 1" to talk to a live agent and rescheduled my flight. I made it back in one piece, and called the airline customer service hotline demanding some sort of credit for my inconveniences. Now I have $125 to spend on a flight, but now my dilemma is, do I dare even use it?

I find the lyrics to "In the Early Mornin' Rain" perhaps deeming itself my "Travel Soundtrack".

Get your MEK on

2009-05-04T21:09:00.006-06:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls. Hold on to your hipsters.
Well over a year ago, I decided to try a brand new type of jean. They were superbly long, a dreamy combo of stiffness and stretchnessitude... They were my first MEKs.
Yes I splurged. You can't find decent pants that fit me on the clearance rack at Sears Roebuck.
I wore these jeans faithfully. They filled me up without letting me down.
I even have a girlfriend so fond of them that she wears them when she comes to town, or when I bring them when I go to visit her.
I (and my friend) wore these jeans so often that a hole started to wear in the butt pocket. It broke my heart. Domestically, I patched it.
Two weeks ago, two new holes wore through. I was crushed. My favorite pair of jeans lay lifeless, draped over my radiator until I could decide what to do with them. maybe I should cut them up and make a woobie out of them?
Then I decided that I spent way too much on these jeans to just let them "fade-out" (pardon the pun) of my life. So, I headed to the store with them in tow to see what they could do for me.
While en route, I was receiting my story to tell the sales clerk when I arrived. I wasn't making anything up; I just needed to get all my facts correct and in chronological order.
I walked in to the store to find a wonderfully cheerful salesclerk eager to meet my needs. I took a deep breath. *Ahem*. "Well, you see... I bought these pants a while ago..."
The girl didn't care. "Oh, ok!" says the girl. "Go pick out a new pair and we'll exchange them".
"Really?", I question. "So I haven't washed them since wearing them last. Should I take them home and wash them before I bring them in to exchange?"
"No, don't worry about it. Just give them to me and go over and pick yourself out a new pair".
"Well, so it has been probably at least a year since I bought these. Is this going to be ok?"
The salesclerk realized I felt uncomfortable and a little apprehensive about the whole situation. So she walks me over to the jeans section, and proverbially holds my hand while I pick out a new pair.
And boy did she pick a pair.
At the end of this experience, I was told that if I ever wanted to exchange these jeans for any reason-- maybe I get more holes in them; maybe I just get a little thicker in the midsection and they no longer fit-- just bring them in and exchange them.
You can't even get that great of a guarantee on Carharts!!
I am so impressed. Bravo, MEK. You have a customer for life.

Honk Honk!

2009-04-16T14:02:00.003-06:00

This morning I was kind of in a groggy mood getting to work. I don't seem to be getting enough rest that my body is requesting, and all these meds I'm taking for my sinus and ear infections makes it even harder to get up in the morning.
So I got in my car to get to work today, and was grumbling about not wanting to go to work.
I got in the left turn lane to head up toward the U, and something was coming up the road to prohibit me from making my turn.
What was it?
(*squint* *squint*)
I sure needed my glasses, but had left them on my kitchen table.
Whatever it was, it was definitely running the red light.
If it was pedestrians, they needed to get out of the middle of the road and use the crosswalk!

Oh.
hee hee.
It made my day a lot better. :-)
Has anyone seen geese this big before in their life?????

Dave Patton, I hardly knew you

2009-03-18T13:41:00.003-06:00

I started my amazing new job almost one year ago to the day.
Among every perk under the sun for working with the current department, was the aspect that i worked with the DREAM TEAM of co-workers. It has been the first place I have worked where there are no office bee-otches, no back-biting, no manipulation, and no higher-than-thous.. I love everyone I work with.
And with that statement, comes the inevitable: When you ARE that good... other places need you and want you more. So in the last 6 months I have lost (occupationally) 2 of my favorite people EVER. My old supervisor Shelley (left to help her husband's booming business), and Dave Patton, my fatherly workforce friend.
I insisted that when Dave left, I needed to have a funeral because I feel like everyone I love is dying off.
So we did.
We publicly announced we would be having a farewell party for Dave, and secretly announced that it would be more of a "Wake" (funeral party).
So although I am losing some of my favorite coworkers in my history of coworkers, I survive the hard times with pictures like these. ha.

Kids Say Darnedest Things, Take 2

2009-02-03T15:02:00.003-07:00

On Sunday night, my family and I were digging through our Mount Everest of family pictures boxes. It's fun to do that every now and then. Just look at the pictures and hear everyone's memories from them.
At anyrate, I pulled one picture out, similar to this one, and said that it was one of my favorite pictures of me and my dad. I have many memories of my dad balancing me on his knee.
My nephew Truman exclaimed: I WANNA SEE!!!

So I showed him the picture, and pointed that this was Meme, and that this was PopPop.

"THAT'S PopPop?!" he exclaimed;
"He looks so... New!"

Ode to Mother's

2009-01-27T14:06:00.003-07:00

In an earlier post, I made a comment about the upcoming holiday season, and the joy I had of anticipating eating Gingerbread Men.
Well Thanksgiving came and went, and I could not find my Gingers ANYWHERE. I went to probably 12 different store chains trying to find them.
No deal.
So I resorted to trying to order them online. Come to find out, when you google for Mother's Gingerbread Men Cookies, you can find several different news articles about Mother's Cookies, inc. being one of the many businesses to be killed by this woeful economy.
Sigh.
Mother's Cookies was established in 1914. Since that time, I can only imagine the millions of women who, like myself, would derive pleasure from decapitating Ginger Men.
But alas, today's economy has no respect for Centurian companies, or compassion for women who like to release their disdain of Men on baked male-shaped-goods.
So Mother's, with heartfelt appreciation, I bid you adieu.

The Art of Horse Face

2008-12-23T22:57:00.004-07:00

To whom it might not be apparent to:
There is an school of art in being photographed called HorseFace.
It takes years to perfect.
I am only a novice. I receive regular trainings from my cousin Tif.
This last weekend we had a Cousins Night Out with me, Tif, and Johnny. We had a blast. And to end the night with a bang, we reflected over the past year, mainly on how our HorseFaces had improved so much.
Let me know whose face you like the best.

If you are wondering how this is done, it's merely taking a picture while you make the noise of a horse, done by forcing air into the cheeks of the mouth and shaking and fluctuating the tone up and then down. As Tif would suggest, a few minutes of warming up, or "losening up" is encouraged for maximum hotness. Look at her pix. She knows what she's talking about. As you can see in the second-to-last pic, she has even mastered the art of the "Half" HorseFace. Whata pro. :-)

Holiday... Inn?

2008-12-19T09:18:00.003-07:00

Well I just got back from what seemed to be an eternity of traveling. The first week I was in Colorado, and the second week I was in Alabama. After the past two weeks' worth of experiences flying and at airports, I'm pretty much content to never fly again.
Well, I know that's not going to happen. So I just know for at least the next few months, I won't be getting on a plane.
Instead of dwelling on the negatives of 2 airports closing while I was at them, and of 4 or 5 delayed flights, etc., I'm choosing to concentrate on a particular story that makes me all toasty inside... :-)
I was supposed to come home on Tuesday night. Well, due to the Chicago airport closing, I was rerouted to Las Vegas (because there were NO more flights to Salt Lake... even on any other airlines.. crazy). This certain flight was landing in Nashville, where I'd have another layover before Las Vegas. At anyrate, I was flying Southwest were you can pick wherever you want to sit (well, 'wherever you want' meaning almost anywhere, because the front row and the exit rows are always taken...). I chose a seat and was getting settled when a man sitting in front of me was asking the flight attendant some questions about the Las Vegas connection flight. I interjected "OH, are you going to Las Vegas, too??". The man said "oh no, but this lady next to me is, and she's deaf and seems really confused"...
I exclaim: SHE'S DEAF?!?!?!? Omg! I know Sign Langauge!
What are the chances that of all the seats on that plane, I chose to sit right behind this woman who was completely lost.
A complete "WOAH" moment.
Come to find out after chatting with her that she was 32, and had never left Birmingham, AL in her life. This was her first plane ride. How scary!! I get scared flying on planes, even though I have flown HUNDREDS of times, and... I can HEAR!
This lady's name was Michelle, and on the connection flight in Nashville we sat by each other and had a GREAT time. Almost couldn't tell that it was a 5 hour flight!
During the flight, she orderd THREE Jack and Cokes. She would look at me and say she was worried that she looked like an alcoholic. I said No, that she just looked like a nervous flyer. :-)
I asked where she was staying in Las Vegas, and she told me the Venetian. Well, kind of. She couldn't remember the name, but something about Venice and that they had Gondolas... Here comes the other "WOAH" moment. Out of all the tens of thousands of hotels and motels in Las Vegas, there is one that I have a friend that works at as a security guard. Which hotel would that be? Oh, that's right. The Venetian. The only hotel that I had a hook-up that I could call to help out this tired, nervous, and very DRUNK deaf woman. What are the chances??
When I think about the delays and cancellations over the past couple days I start to get a little worked up, but then I think about this lady Michelle, and I don't mean to sound preachy here or anything, but I KNOW I was supposed to meet her and help her, and all the drama with the airlines didn't matter, and that drama is actually what made me meet her.
Merry Freakin Christmas, eh??!

The name's Bond... Meg Bond...

2008-11-14T16:47:00.003-07:00

So I was naughty today.
I took an extraordinarily long lunch, and went down to the Gateway and slipped into a matinee showing of Quantum of Solace.
Hola!!
Can I just say that Daniel Craig can just come visit me anytime in that sexy Astin Martin???
I am having an internal struggle right now as to which Bond I'd rather marry... I've been watching the older and newer ones, and I've narrowed it down to either Daniel Craig or Timothy Dalton. HELLO!! I do feel gypped that Timothy only made 2. I hope Daniel doesn't suffer the same fate.
So to celebrate, I'm putting up a new survey, to vote which Bond you like the most...
Bon Apetit!

Thursday I don't care about you; Friday I'm in Love

2008-11-07T10:59:00.004-07:00

Today is a better day. Much thanks to the Korean Hey Jude Baby. God Bless 'im.

I feel today a need to make a list 5 items long of things for which I'm happy. I would encourage you to do the same.

Number one - As I speak (or type?), President Bush is meeting with President-Elect Obama.

Number two - My dad's scan came back negative.

Number three - I am going to Alabama in a month.

Number four - The Utes had the most freakin amazing game last night.

Number five - As I watch my last bag of Halloween-Colored Peanut Butter M & M's diminish, I am comforted at the thought that it is now time for the comfort of bags of Gingerbread Men and also Cadbury's counterpart to the Easter Mini-Egg... Their Snowballs.

What's making you happy?

Take a Sad Song and make it Better...

2008-11-06T10:05:00.003-07:00

I'm having a rough day.
I just paid three bills that totalled more than $500 and the on the one medical bill, they tried to squeeze me for $200 more, even though I have proof of those payments. ARG!
It's about this time that I have to take a break and find something to distract myself, or else the next person to come into my office will unintentionally get their face chewed off.
When I'm feeling a little down, I like to watch Youtube videos of kids doing crazy things.
Today, I think I'm in the mood for some Hey Jude.

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2008-10-09T10:14:00.001-06:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs - Collage - Morph

To Tax or Not to Tax... THAT is the question...

2008-10-07T16:51:00.003-06:00

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them.

Yudda yudda yudda...

Alright, y'all. If you've read my past blogs, you probably are pretty aware of which way my ballot tends to swing, if you know what I mean.
However, I wanted to get feedback on this whole "Palin not paying taxes on travel per-diem expenses while staying at her home" business.
Even if this were a DEMOCRAT, I would be outraged. If this were my governor, no matter which party affiliation, I would feel disgusted that my representative thought it would be ok to accept $17,000 to stay at her own house, and, have the state pay over $43,000 to bring her kids to some of her meetings...

The McCain-Palin campaign obviously cannot deny these allegations since they have papertrails and her W-2 shows that she did not claim these for her 2007 taxes.

Is an elected official (again, no matter their party) justified to not claim $60,000 dollars worth of reimbursements on their taxes? Let me know your opinion!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122334021713509963.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Cavemen Are People, Too!

2008-10-06T16:27:00.003-06:00

On Saturday night my sister and my sister-in-law were talking about how much they loved their insurance from Geico. I have been with a different insurance company (METLIFE) for over 2 years, and had a feeling that they were taking advantage of me.
So yesterday I called Geico and got a live person (on a Sunday!) to help me put together a quote for identical coverage as my current insurance. After all was said and done, Geico saved me 40%!! I couldn't believe it!
Of course I had to join!
My now-previous provider was making me think I was getting great discounts on this or that, being a member of this or that, etc. I kept looking at my monthly bill thinking "This is SERIOUSLY as good as I can get, being with them for over 2 years, being just ONE driver, with just ONE car, having a perfect driving record, and with X-amount of discounts?!?"
With Geico, it was just a straight, across the board saving. No "super member discounts" or whatever to try and make you think they are giving you the absolute lowest rate possible.
CRAZY!
The guy at Geico that helped me put together a renter's insurance quote was amazing. He looked over my coverage requests, and showed me that I was double-covering some of my personal items, and by fixing it, it helped lower my renters annual premium by 40 bucks. I was with Metlife for over 2 years and they didn't do that!
After my convo with Geico, I called Met to cancel my service. I couldn't get anybody. (Strange that I was actually surprised). So I had to call again this morning, and the guy wanted to know why I was cancelling. I told them "Well, I didn't have to do this or that to get a good price. I'm a good driver with a clean record. Just calling Geico, I got a better rate than you guys will after being with you for 2 years".
The guy said "Well, have you asked us if there were any additional discounts that could be applied?" I said "Yes. In August I called and asked, and the lady said there was nothing. And not only that, but I shouldn't have to call and beg you guys to tell me if any other discounts can be applied. I am a good driver. You should be rewarding ME."
The Metlife guy then said, "well let me see here... (*tap tap tap* on his keyboard)..
Oh yes, it says here that starting this November, you are eligable for a discounted rate of XXX.XX ."
What?!
Why wouldn't the lady have told me that when I asked 2 months ago if I could catch a break. It's only when a loyal customer realizes they've been getting SCREWED and threaten to leave that Met life will bust out the big guns?
Heck no.
Although the guy's final quote WAS lower than Geico's, I figured they no longer deserve my business.
BOO-Yah.

DEBT TO AMERICA!!

2008-09-25T15:41:00.009-06:00

Oh my... Once again, I love Jon Stewart.
He seems to have been the only one (sans Stephen Colbert) to have discomfort that part of Henry Paulson's multi-hundred billion dollar bail-out plan came with the demands that it had to be:
"...Non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency..."
?
Not sure how I feel about it. This pretty much sums it up... :-)

or if you don't have flash:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=185195&title=debt-to-america

Oh my FUNNY!

2008-09-25T15:22:00.002-06:00

Times puzzle is clueless about McCain
By DAVID LEVINSON WILK 9/25/08 5:05 AM EDT

I am partly to blame. On Jan. 8, 2005, I purposefully and unapologetically became the first person to ever construct a crossword puzzle for The New York Times that featured this five-letter answer:

OBAMA.

Earlier this week, Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s senior campaign adviser, lambasted the Times for being “totally, 150 percent in the tank for the Democratic candidate.” The GOP, it seems, is finally catching on to a once-hidden truth:

Crossword puzzles heavily favor Democrats.

According to the puzzle database maintained by Cruciverb.com, ever since that game-changing day in 2005, OBAMA has appeared regularly as an answer in New York Times crossword puzzles. With its wonderfully convenient alternating series of commonly used vowels and consonants, OBAMA has been the answer to the clues “Senator who wrote ‘Dreams From My Father,’” “Future senator who delivered the 2004 Democratic convention keynote address” and “Presidential candidate born in Hawaii.”

But what about MCCAIN? Shockingly, not once has MCCAIN been an answer in a crossword in the New York Times, The Washington Post or the Los Angeles Times. No MCCAIN, no JOHNMCCAIN, no SENATORMCCAIN, not even his most recent sobriquet, the presidential-sounding JOHNSMCCAINIII.

Contacted by Politico, Diane McNulty, a New York Times spokeswoman, said, “The answer is obvious for anyone who does crosswords. It is because ‘Obama’ is a five-letter name that alternates vowels and consonants. It’s got three vowels out of five letters, starting and ending in vowels. So it is much more crossword-friendly than ‘McCain,’ which is a harder word to put in a crossword. If McCain’s name was Obama, then his name would have been used many more times in crosswords.”

Things fare no better for the Republicans when we compare the candidates for vice president. BIDEN is the clear favorite, appearing as the answer to the Washington Post clue “Delaware senator” and as the solution to the New York Times clue “1987-95 Senate Judiciary Committee head.” Even conservative crossword enthusiasts who solve the weekly puzzles in The Wall Street Journal have been forced to write in BIDEN when given the Journal’s clue “Head of the Senate’s Foreign Relations Committee.”

That leaves us, of course, wondering about Gov. Sarah PALIN.

Like a cruel joke, PALIN has appeared dozens of times as an answer in the crossword grids of the nation’s most esteemed news publications — but always with clues such as “Monty Python member” or “Cohort of Cleese and Idle.” It’s pretty obvious: The left-wing media elite is mocking her. For shame!

So, it’s proven. Crossword puzzles favor OBAMA over MCCAIN and BIDEN over PALIN. Is there any indication that crosswords can “right” themselves in the generations ahead? I’m not so sure. In perhaps the shrewdest political move of his career, the Democratic presidential nominee and his wife gave their oldest child another crossword-friendly five-letter name containing commonly used vowels and consonants: MALIA.

David Levinson Wilk writes for “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” and constructs crossword puzzles for Politico.

OMG- SO clever!

2008-09-23T09:42:00.003-06:00

Yes it's Ladies Night, oh what a Night!

2008-09-12T14:15:00.003-06:00

What is the opposite of a ladies' man? A men's lady? Whatever it is, I'm it.
Every single night I take turns lounging around in my comfiest unmentionables, with three different men.
First, John Stewart comes over. We enjoy whitty banter for a while, and when I'm through with him, I welcome over Stephen Colbert. Oh Stephen. He excites me so much that after he leaves, I have to take a short break before I can call over Jay Leno. And from there, Jay and I spend the rest of the night together till I fall alseep and my T.V. timer goes off.
The other day I saw this skit on John Stewart and it made me so proud, it brought tears to my eyes.

Yes, I love technology

2008-09-10T09:09:00.002-06:00

Of all the inventions over the last... millennium... I cannot even fathom my life without the discovery of the internet.
Some people fear that all that info at your fingertips may be iatrogenic for society (absolute power corrupts?), due to "racy pictures", or what have you. (FYI- I learned the word "Iatrogenic" in a psychology class many years ago. It basically means in a medical field that the treatment did more harm than good, and that the status quo would have been better off without it)...
But I don't care.
Over the last week, my life has been infinitely improved by the world-wide web.
Recently I've been on this vintage kick. I've made a new vintage-inspired dress, I've been listening to the best of Benny Goodman, Duke Ellington, and Elle Fitzgerald. And last Sunday I got the idea to try out some vintage hairstyles. So, I saddled up to my friendly little laptop, typed in some words, and VOILA!... Hundreds of how-to hairstyle videos. SO FUN!
Then, I decide that for the first time in my life, I want to try wearing "REAL" make-up... not just the liner and mascara I buy at the check-out stand at the grocery store. So I get foundation and bronzer, and some eye shadow... and one of those crazy eyelash curler things... Anyway, saddle up again and type a few more words, and PRESTO! I'm almost a pro...
But the most recent web-investigation I will be eternally grateful for. For my brother's wedding last year, I bought the most splendid blouse from Arden B to wear. Yes, I splurged on it. But it was worth it. It looked AMAZING! Well, a few months ago, I wore it an got honestly WHO KNOWS WHAT on it. Something maybe chocolate or blood... No Clue. So I take it to a dry cleaner (it's rayon) and they cannot save my shirt. I actually almost shed a tear thinking about having to be rid of my shirt. But before I could say Adeu, I had to give it one last shot. So I rolled up my proverbial sleeves and saddled up one more time. I swear I didn't do as much research on any of my college papers as I did trying to figure out how to get this stain out of a rayon blouse. I tried a concoction of things that still didn't work. And then I stumbled upon one site that said that it might be a "dye stain", and that I'd have to treat it with bleach. I was so nervous. It said to try a little bleach on an inside seam and see if it altered the color. If it didn't, the garment was color-fast (or whatever. I can't remember anymore), and that it was safe to use on the stain. Well HALLE-FREAKIN'-LUJA, I was able to rub some bleach on the stain and after a few minutes of setting, the stain was gone!! I literally danced around my apartment for a good 10 minutes celebrating the resurrection of a most prized blouse.
Thank you, thank you, Technology.

A perpl-EGGS-ing Conundrum

2008-09-08T16:46:00.005-06:00

Saturday morning I woke up feeling a little more vibrant than having just my normal couple bowls of cereal for breakfast.

I decided I was going to scramble some eggs.

(Now I am begging for anyone to add any insight whatsoever to the following situation...)

I grab the egg carton out of my midget-size fridge. Open it up and crack the first egg. Looks delicious. Can't wait to cook it.

Grab the second egg and crack it. I crack it. Crack Crack CRACK it. Um. It won't crack. ? I had to peel the shell off. The egg was entirely frozen.

Has anyone in their entire life seen a frozen egg?

So not only did the perplexity of the frozen egg confound me, but then I thought: What's wrong with that one? Why did only that ONE freeze, and not the egg EXACTLY next to it freeze too?

It's not like they were in different fridges or even different cartons.

Is my wussy little half-pint fridge SO non-conducive that it can't even keep eggs decently?

Here's an arial view for your viewing pleasure:

And yes, I did eat it. I didn't care. I'm poor. I figured (hoped) that just the trans-morphing of the egg's property of matter wouldn't compromise the nutritive integrity of it...

BRAINS VS. BEAUTY

2008-09-03T13:59:00.003-06:00

I don't know if it's my age, life circumstances, etc... but I am just ALL OVER the Election this year. Don't get me wrong, I've voted, signed petitions, posted signs, etc., for other elections.
This one is just enthralling. Every week there's a new twist, a new scandal, a new... surprise?
Whoever's doing PR/ crowd-control for this election should be freakin' billionaires. It's so intense, so suspenseful. It's like the rivalry BYU/UofU football game last year that kept every spectator, no matter their team, at the edge of their chair till BYU's Beck threw that ridiculous pass in the end-zone in the very last second of the game.
No matter the political team you root for, I'm gunna bet you'll be biting your nails like I am until that momentous day in November.
This is by far my favorite quote so far. Recorded only a month ago.

It is almost as good as this not-as-recent Bushism...

Forget their histories, records, etc. I just want a president that can speak well...

GO DEMS!

What a Day for a Day Dream...

2008-08-04T15:44:00.006-06:00

Have you had a good mud-bath lately?
Seeing my sweety niece Elsie like this makes me think that there definitely should have been some kind of life-soundtrack playing in the background as she was creating this childhood adventure...

What a day for a daydream
What a day for a daydreamin' boy
And I'm lost in a daydream
Dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy
And even if time ain't really on my side
It's one of those days for taking a walk outside
I'm blowing the day to take a walk in the sun
And fall on my face on somebody's new-mown lawn
I've been having a sweet dream
I been dreaming since I woke up today
It's starring me and my sweet thing
'Cause she's the one makes me feel this way
And even if time is passing me by a lot
I couldn't care less about the dues you say I got
Tomorrow I'll pay the dues for dropping my load
A pie in the face for being a sleepy bull toad
{Whistle}
And you can be sure that if you're feeling right
A daydream will last long into the night
Tomorrow at breakfast you may prick up your ears
Or you may be daydreaming for a thousand years

Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes

2008-07-07T12:09:00.004-06:00

The guy I've been dating for the past year and a half graduated and got a great job in Ft. Collins. Although I miss him a lot, he is really enjoying it out there and is getting great experience in "the real world".

Since he had a long holiday weekend, he came back into town to visit and get some more stuff he left at his parents house.

On Saturday night we were going to meet some friends for dinner at Trolley Square. We were a little early, so we made a stop in to Banana Republic. I found some GREAT pants that were online returns so they were long. Hooray! (You can't buy B.R. pants long in store, only online) Not only that, but they were 25 bucks. SWEET! However, I was only wearing flip-flops and wanted to see what they'd look like with heels on. So the salesdude went in the back room and came out with the only heeled shoe in my size back there. Lo and behold, it was the most glorious shoe I had ever beheld. I had bought a shoe fairly similar 2+ years ago as a Payless equivalent, so I don't really need to state that they didn't last long, and I have been searching for a replacement since. At any rate, these were amazing. Definitely something to be sported by Stacy London.

I tried on the shoes and they looked FABULOUS not only with the pants, but just in general. After admiring in a daze for a few minutes, I looked at the box to see how much they were. Um yah, $98. :-( I was so sad, but Steve was trying to talk me out of buying them. "Not only are they 100 bucks that you can't afford, but where on earth would you put them?" he asked, noting that my 6-foot high shoe rack was at maximum capacity.

I grudgingly took them off and put the pants on hold to buy after dinner (we were now 10 minutes late instead of being early).

After dinner, I walked in to BR to pick up the pants and admire the shoes some more. Not only were the pants not where they should have been, but the shoes were M.I.A.! My heart broke. The lady at the counter said "Well, there were some ladies in here a few minutes ago that were trying on shoes. They might have bought them.." Oh what a tragedy! Oh the humanity!
Depressed, I bought only my pants and we walked out.
As I got into Steve's car, he got something out of his trunk. He set it on my lap and proceeded to back out of the parking space. THEY WERE THE SHOES!! During dinner, he said that he wasn't feeling too well and excused himself to the bathroom, and was gone quite a while. The sneaky guy didn't go the the bathroom at all, but went to go get me a surprise. :-)

What a sweetie.

Kwik Sew?

2008-06-24T08:47:00.003-06:00

Since moving out on my own, I've found my brain deteriorating with lack of conversations and stimulations. Given, it's exactly 2 months till I start grad school and will definitely be OVERstimulated...

At any rate, I decided to fill my time with more productive things than watching every episode available of Family Guy and Cash Cab.

So I decided I'm going to make a new dress.

Supposedly it should be fairly easy. I chose a dress that has no zippers or things like that. It just has one button-up keyhole in the back. I've cut out the pattern and will start sewing tomorrow... Definitely let ya know how progress goes...
Here's what it should look like:^

Friends Don't Let Friends Join Gold's Gym

2008-06-19T16:12:00.004-06:00

I was excited when I was living with roommates and we all decided to join a gym together. Strength in numbers, you know.

We went in to the Sugarhouse Gold's Gym and told the man Brady that we were thinking about joining. He got excited. You know they get paid for commission. Almost like a cartoon his pupils turned to green dollarbill signs... $^$

There were so many papers and he rushed them by all of us. We were reluctant to join because to get the deal we wanted, we had to join for 2 years.

Us: Well we are just roommates and won't be living together for that long. Perhaps we shouldn't join.

Brady: That will be fine. I'll sign this paper saying that upon termination, your cancelation fee will be $0 when one of you ladies decides to move out.
Wow. What a nice guy. Gold's Gym people care about us!

Well, as predicted, our rental lease ended, and we all headed our different ways. I had forgotten about the gym membership until the auto-withdrawl hit my bank account.

I called to cancel.

Golds Gym: Well we are sorry, but you can't just cancel like that. In the contract it states (*in very fine writing I might add*) that you have to move at least 25 miles away from the nearest Golds Gym.

Me: You're kidding. Brady never told us anything about us. In fact, the opposite. He told us that for sure once we left we could cancel.

Golds Gym: Well I'm sorry if someone told you something. I wasn't there. You signed the contract.

Fine.

Trying to coordinate with 2 roommates that you don't see or talk to hardly at all anymore is pretty hard.

My favorite roommate Cassie and I decided that she would make a "rental agreement" for her parents house in Morgan, UT (at least 25 miles away from the nearest Gold's!) to cancel the membership.

So today I called Gold's Gym just to get an update on the situation...

Me: My old roommate is working on faxing me her new lease agreement to void out the contract.

Golds Lady: "Well that doesn't matter. The only one that can cancel the contract is you, since you are the one that the contract is under. You have to be the one that moves over 25 miles away from the nearest gold's gym."
ummmm..... EXCUSE ME????
Everytime I call I just keep getting more and more random information than the last conversation...
Me: "Well that's not what I was told when I signed it. In fact, I was told the opposite. Brady understood that we were all going to be staying around, just not living together in the future, and proceeded to sign us up for this contract."
Lady: "Well, I can't do anything about what anybody TOLD you. You signed the contract, and that's what it says. You're obligated to abide by it".
Me: "You know what. Just forget it. How much does it cost to just cancel the membership all together?"
Lady: "You can't".
Me: Pardon? I believe I can. How much does it cost?
Lady: No. You cannot cancel a contract. You may only transfer it to someone else's name. But there are no cancellings. Period.
Me: You've got to be kidding me.
Lady: No.
Me: Well I can't accept this. There's got to be something we can do.
Lady: no.
Me: I don't believe you. I need to be transfered to someone else.
Lady: Ok.
Proceeds to transfer me to someone else that doesn't answer, and I have to leave a voicemail.
No one called back.

I call again 6 hours later and talk to a different girl (surprise, surprise). I tell her I've looked over the contract I sign, and I see where it says that a member has to move 25 miles away for the contract to be void. However, it doesnot say ANYWHERE that it has to be the "Primary" member. Just member.

More arguing continues.

ME: Does this seem like good customer service to you? I mean, do you think I'm going to come away feeling treated with respect? Do you think I for one second would recommend this gym to ANYONE?
Lady: (no answer)

Me: I mean, honestly, how many argumentative conversations like this do you have a day?

Lady: I'm not sure.

Me: Ok. Nevermind. So if I'm going to stay with my sister in Oregon this summer for a few days, can I have her write up a lease agreement for me to sign, and cancel the membership?

Lady: If it's 25 miles away, and if it's official-looking.

Me: Official-LOOKING?

Lady: Yes.

It doesn't have to be official. Just official-looking. From the mouth of a Golds Gym Employee.

Done.

Bottomline: After having the time to read the contract OVER and OVER, it says in at least 2 different places that "No oral promises or statements are part of this contract".

Translation: We will tell you whatever we feel like to get you to join and don't have to honor it.

Last night I was watching an SVU episode where a bad cop told a Mentally Retarded man that if he just signed the paper (admission of guilt to serveral murders), that he could go home to his mother. Obviously the man didn't get to see his mother again. Not for 18 years.

Striking similarity.

At any rate, if you ever... EVER think about joining Gold's Gym, please don't.

Apple Fitness, Planet Fitness, 24-Hour Fitness... whatever. Join them. I am 100% positive that they will treat you with more respect and service than Gold's.

More memories of Grandma

2008-06-06T16:34:00.004-06:00

Ok this is mainly for family. But I wanted to set up a list that you could add comments to of your own memories of grandma.

I'll start:

"Reddy Kilowatt" lightning bolt men
Popsicle lights
Robin eggs in the living room
Smarties in grandma's underwear drawer
Sparkly ceilings
SCARY stuffed animals in the downstairs bedroom
Petrified Wood
Butterfly fridge magnets

List some more!

A clarification of Henry Jones Sr.

2008-06-04T11:18:00.002-06:00

Well after doing TONS of research, it seems to have been an oversight on my part from The Last Crusade.
As Elsa and Indy are left to find the true holy grail, Indy picks the right one and drinks from it. The grail knight then states: You have chosen wisely. But the Grail cannot pass beyond the Great Seal. That is the boundary between life and the price of immortality.
I never paid attention to that last part. I thought it was just more emphasizing that the grail couldn't leave. Not that the people couldn't either.
So in reading Jones Connoisseur blogs, etc., apparently the wonders of the grail were only valid if one partook of the water and they themselves remained behind the Great Seal, not just the grail....
my bad... I guess.
Is anyone else confused?

A CRY FOR CLARIFICATION

2008-05-30T16:06:00.004-06:00

I thought I could die and go to heaven when I found out they were making a fourth Indiana Jones.
As if the anticipation wasn't killing me enough, a few weeks before the movie premiered, TNT (or some other channel... can't remember) did a weekend marathon of the original trilogy. Hence, I didn't move off my couch for 2 days. ha ha ha. But seriously...
I love the Indiana Jones series. GREAT combo of cheesy lines with borderline "Chuck Norris" bad action, and lest we forget... a young Harrison Ford with a half-unbuttoned top, exposing his perfectly-managed chest hair.
AT ANY RATE,
I knew this new movie would either gratify all my desires, or it would be a total bomb. I was very anxious to see it.
Turns out it was a complete joke. I know many people don't like a surprise to be spoiled, so i will leave out details for those of you who haven't seen it yet.
HOWEVER: the one thing that bothered me the most was that in one scene Indiana Jones is sitting at his desk, looking at a picture of his dad, Henry Jones Sr. (Sean Connery), saying something about how much he misses him.
WTF? He DIED????!?!?!
What happened to him drinking the water from the Holy Grail in the Last Crusade? One could argue "Well, perhaps they realized that it was just a bunk myth and the holy grail was just an archaeological find rather than finding the epitome of eternal life." Ok, maybe that's true. But they SAW the healing/magical power of the grail as they encountered a 500 year old knight, and more personally, saw the holy water wash away Henry Jones Sr's bullet wound.
Can someone PLLLLLLEAASSEE help me out with this???

LESSONS LEARNED FROM GRANDMA

2008-05-29T16:15:00.003-06:00

Upon publishing my post yesterday, it sparked a memory that my sister, Nancy, had written one of the best memoirs of my grandma. She wrote it in one sitting like it was nothing, but it makes me cry everytime I read it. I asked her if it'd be ok if I could post it here. I modified some statements to past-tense, as she is no longer with us.

Lessons Learned from Grandma

by Nancy Breinholt

If you don’t like something, change it. If your name is Alice LaDean, go by LaDean, but add an e on the end, to make it more feminine. LaDeane.

I learned the sanctity and power of prayer from my Grandma. Every time she was asked to say grace, she would say it in a very soft voice, and cry about 80% of the time. It isn’t something to be mumbled and raced through.

When you are threading a worm on the hook, use a towel to hold the worm still, that way it won’t wiggle free. And, always have a pair of pliers on the boat, so you can knock a Chub on the head with them.

There are amazing things to be read in books. Always have books by your chairs, by your bed, and in the bathroom. Don’t let a day go by without cracking open a book.

I learned to love the outdoors. My grandma was an outdoorsman, when women were not outdoorsman. She had her own hunting rifle and her own fishing pole, and didn’t need a man to fix either of them.

She taught me about magical things, like galindies, and vitamin E.

Don’t fight with your brother about mowing the lawn, someone will lose a finger. However, if you do happen to lose a finger, don’t forget to ask your manicurist for 10% off when she does your nails.

When the grandchildren are over, a great treat is jello powder.

I learned from Grandma that if the fish weren’t biting, I wasn’t holding my mouth right. If I still couldn’t hold my mouth right, she would put some “magic” on the line. And be damned if it didn’t work.

You put meat tenderizer on mosquito bites, aspirin on bee stings, a paper towel in your bag of lettuce, dishwashing liquid on your vegetables, vitamin C for colds, and vitamin E for scars.

She taught me how to play cards, and almost more importantly, to take no prisoners when we are playing card games! If someone offers to deal you in, take it, and then take them to the cleaners.

You have to be on the lake before sunrise if you want to catch any fish.

My Grandma has inspired in me a love of my home state. She had been everywhere in Utah, and had seen more things than most. I always asked her about places in Utah, and she had always been there, but about 50 years ago, before it was “cool” to go to these places, and also before it had become “illegal” to go to them now.

If you save up enough plastic grocery bags, you can make a purse out of them.

I also learned that if I am going to get a trophy to place my “Hole in One” balls, I need to make sure there are more than 3 places to put all my balls.

You put a Canadian nickel on the back of your putter to put down to mark your place on the green.

Most of all, I learned what it meant to be a true companion to your spouse. Not a hand-maiden, not a servant, not a doormat. Every adventure grandpa had, grandma was there every step of the way. But when something was important to her, but grandpa refused to go, she was not afraid to go alone. She cared for grandpa greatly and without complaint, but could be a firecracker when it was necessary. Love filled every action grandma took, and when Truman asks what she was like, these are a few things I hope to pass on.

A Lesson on Femininity

2008-05-28T17:10:00.006-06:00

Memorial Day is normally not an uplifting holiday for me. It makes me sad to think of the people I've know that have died. Makes me VERY sad.
But I realized that I have to snap out of a depress-mode like that. You can't just pop a Zoloft everytime you think about a person, ya know?
So I decided that every time I get sad about losing a loved-one, I have got to stop and think of the great memories these people have left me with.
I'm speaking most specifically of my Grandma Henrichsen, Miss Alice LaDeane.
Last night I went out to my parents house to raid their fridge for the free dang-good left-over food from Memorial Day's Festivities. After dinner, my mom wanted to go to Penny's to look at their "70% off" sale for custom blinds (she's redoing her kitchen... again). So we packed our purses with money and a Spanish/English dictionary (kidding) and headed off to Valley Fair Mall. Once there, we asked a sales lady about the blinds. She said she'd have to get their "expert" to answer our questions. When the Expert came out and sat at the computer, I noticed that her name tag, very surprisingly, sported the name "La Dean".
My grandma is the only other person in the world I know whose name was La Dean. So I told that to this sales lady. Of course saying my grandma's name no longer brings sadness, but automatically brings the fondness of hilarious memories.
So I noted:
Although my grandma's first name was Alice, she went by La Dean. But she didn't just go by La Dean. Although that's how it's spelled on her birth certificate and any other official document, unofficially she added an "e" at the end of her name, for "La Deane", because, she claimed, it made it more feminine.

Guff

2008-05-16T14:28:00.004-06:00

Every now and then an innocent bystander gets caught up in one of my meaningless rants.
This is a.k.a. my guff.
It is nonsense airy matter that doesn't mean anything to anyone but me. It's a soliloquy of sorts, mainly gripes, that once spewed from my brain, I roll it up in a ball, and throw it in my proverbial drawer, usually never to be brought up again.

Guff for the day:
Today I was running short of time on my lunch break so I stopped at the KFC drive-thru and ordered one of my favorites of all time.
The KFC Kid's Laptop meal.
The Laptop Meal is one of the most exquisite of all children-sized fast food meals. It doesn't come in a regular cardboard cube or a measly bag. Oh no. It is a cardboard laptop. You open the lid, and instead of finding keys and a screen, you find your meal, and entertaining trivia and activities where the screen would be on a normal laptop.
Besides the sheer pleasantness of the aesthetics, the meal itself was perfect. For a mere $2.99, you could get a drink, two tender chicken strips, your choice of a side (normally potato wedges or mashed potatoes), a dessert of some kind (a jello cup, fruit roll-up, etc), AND a granola bar.
Totally awesome.
So I ordered my Laptop meal and drove off. Of course being starving and in a rush, I opened my laptop while driving, and lo-and-behold... not only did they forget my fruity refreshment, they had only put ONE chicken strip in my laptop.
OH NO THEY DI'NT!
I drove around the block and pulled through the drive-thru again all the way to the "Pay Here" window. The lady, confused, opened the window with a dirty glance. I declared "You left out my fruit snack and only put one chicken strip in my laptop!" and simultaneously opened my cherished cardboard treasure to show her the evidence.
Annoyed, she states "Yah. That's all you get now."
Oh if there was one time in my life that I was so infuriated at our staggering economy, this was the day.
How dare they.

Last Night I Dreamed of San Pedro...

2008-04-15T16:29:00.007-06:00

So I found out more than ever that Madonna knew what she was talking about. I never wanted to leave La Isla Bonita as soon as I set foot on it. My mind started racing to find things I could make or build to support myself so I could live in Belize.
Ironically, among the many things my family and I did down there (ATV Jungle Tours, Mayan Ruin expeditions, cave tubing, snorkeling with sharks and sting rays, etc.) the memories that will forever be at the forefront of my frontal lobe were just the times of laughing with my family, and waking up every morning and spending an hour in a hammock by myself, gazing over the perma- Corona commercial scenery. The most memorables of the trip cost absolutely... nada.

Not to say that doing the other activities were a waste of money... those definitely will be cherished forever, and I certainly am not getting sick at all of telling everyone everything I did. Although my throat is getting a bit coarse. I am thinking of writing it all down on a piece of paper, making some copies, and handing 'em out like flyers for 5-Buck Pizzas.

Every night I made sure to thank Grandma Henrichsen, Miss Alice LaDeane, for the wonderful experience she was able to provide for me and my family.
I will blog more later including different funny stories from the trip, but had to just post a little snippet now, letting people know I got home safe, and to show off some teaser pictures. :)

SOOO funny

2008-03-21T10:43:00.001-06:00

Check out this new product!

2008-03-18T08:36:00.002-06:00

This is an infomercial that my neice made for a language arts project at school.
Man, things have come a loooooong way.
I remember being the coolest kid on the block because we had a video recorder that you had to put the actual full size VHS in to record and had a booming microphone attached. We thought it was so awesome when we discovered how to do "Extreme Closeup" for our music videos.
But making funny commercials is always a staple of childhood imagination.
Looks great, Aubs!

HAPPY PI DAY!

2008-03-13T11:06:00.005-06:00

As you may or may not be aware, tomorrow, March 14th, is Pi Day. For those less enthusiastic in the science realm, a little explanation: The date tomorrow: 3/14.
Pi: 3.14.
Last year a professor and I started a department-wide celebration. I made flyers. We were going to celebrate Pi Day with STYLE!
I went down to Village Inn (called in an order in advance) and picked up 40 pies of all assortments. We had a big party in our conference room starting at noon and going till 1:59 (Pi is 3.14159). Well, sadly enough, within 35 minutes every last crumb of pie had disappeared and we still had an hour to celebrate!
(never underestimate the power of a starving student)
One of our newer and quite eccentric faculty members had made up a Pi song. Well, it's basically singing the numbers of Pi to 30 decimal places, to the tune of "America" from West Side Story. What a riot!!
THIS year, we are out-doing ourselves. We are not limiting the bounds of Pi Day to just dessert pies. Oh no. Along with 40 dessert pies we are also ordering 35 pizza pies. WHAT A PARTY! So tomorrow, we will celebrate with all our Nerd Pride. Perhaps some pictures will be posted later...

Blog tag?

2008-03-04T11:21:00.002-07:00

I guess I got tagged... ? Who knows what that is. I'm SO not blog-savvy. Oh well. Here goes.

Link to the person that tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Share 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. I have a built-in mood-detector to let you know how I'm feeling. It is completely uncontrolable, but I have a ginormous birthmark on my forehead. When I am stressed or frustrated it turns bright red. When I am cold it turns purple.
2. Last Thursday I literally had to lay down on my bed to get my jeans zipped up. Watch out Belize, here I come. :-(
3. Compared to all other Sudoku sites in the Universe, I find the USAToday Online's Sudoku the best. Although it's electronic, it has a feature to let you annotate numbers of possible answers in the boxes. MMMMmmmm.
4. Perhaps one of the stupidest things I hear people say, and is my greatest grammatical petpeeve, is when people say "I could care less". What they really mean to say is "I couldN'T care less". If you tell someone that there are other things you DO care less about than what they're talking about, isn't that a compliment?
5. I will not be tagging 6 other people. Not only do I not know 6 people with blogs, but I am also an advocate for The Stop to Chain-Mail or Bulk E-mails.
Yes, for all you pathetic people that forward on e-mails with pictures of babies dressed up like flowers with life-motivating stories and slogans, the buck stops here.
6. Every night since 9-11 I have watched Sabrina (the newer version with Harrison Ford) while going to sleep. When you quote a movie, people say something about "Oh, seen this movie a couple times before?" and everyone has a quick laugh.
No, in all reality, I have infact seen this movie nearing 1,000 times.

Am i done yet??

LEAP YEAR SHOUT-OUT

2008-02-29T09:32:00.004-07:00

Tonight I'm going to dinner at Porcupine Grill to celebrate my buddy Funk's birthday.
Every four years or so, I like to give a shout-out to all the Leap-Year b-day peeps.
Word!
So to all, namely Funk, HAPPY REAL BIRTHDAY, ya big baby!!
How does it feel to be 8 years old with a one year old son?? :-)

A FAIR WARNING

2008-02-26T10:59:00.003-07:00

Be wary of men who use "lol" in daily communication; beit e-mail, texting, or verbally.
Don't say I didn't warn you.

Movin' on Up

2008-02-25T16:30:00.005-07:00

So I have had a fairly successful run at moving out for the first time, and learning about the wild new world of roommates.
Now that my lease is nearing its end, I'm looking for a new place to live... sans the roommates. Within a six month period, I have had movies and CD's stolen, room broken into, misc. kitchen utensils stolen, food eaten, iron broken, copies of house keys distributed to strangers, weird rules instituted by new-age Christian roommates (including trying to raise my rent and lower theirs without consulting the landlord), my part of the house almost lost to a fire (landlord's fault), and been the only one for months at a time to 1) take the garbage out, 2) clean the kitchen, and 3) clean the bathroom. Out of the seven roommates I've had during this experience, I've really only bonded with one normal roommate. 14% ain't bad, so I hear.
Last week I went to look at a studio up by the capitol. The landlord lady was a nosy old lady with nothing better to do than involve herself in her tenants' lives. She had a list of all the accessories that were and were not allowed in the apartment itself. Those items on the "Not Allowed" list maybe stored in a locker down in the laundry room. As I was looking at the * VERY TINY * place I was trying to envision where I'd put everything. Looking the direction of the kitchen counter, I wondered audibly if there'd be enough room for my ginormous new kitchen aid mixer. The Land-Mistress erupted, "What do you need that for?". After a short wave of disbelief, I explained that I like to cook, and frequently make delicious dishes. She grew quiet with a stern look on her face. Later on in the tour I was shown the "Not Allowed" lockers in the laundry room. As I wondered what all I might be able to fit in it, the Land-Mistress noted, "You could put that mixer thing in there!"
Maybe roommates aren't so bad.

The Sveedish Cheef

2008-02-15T14:02:00.004-07:00

For Valentine's this year, I decided to treat myself by doing something I love-- Cooking gourmet style.
I had a large 3-course meal planned for me, a date, and a fellow couple. I insisted on doing everything myself; buying everything, cleaning everything, preparing everything, serving everything.
I like to have people feel actually like guests, you know?
At anyrate, for dessert I was going to make Chocolate Molten Cakes (TO DIE FOR!!). However, before I could finish making it, I needed to clean up a bit. So I moved everything from the table to the counter, and partially onto our stovetop (it's one of those flat glasstop ranges). So I moved everything, and started finishing the cakes. As the cakes were cooking, I sat at the table with my guests, enjoying their compliments on the meal and my skills as a chef. Someone asked if I was sure I didn't need help with anything. As I finished saying, "No, I can handle it!", a strange aroma entered our conversation, and smoke was coming from the direction of the stove. As I leaped out of my chair I noticed that the bowl I had the whipped potatoes in was actually made of plastic, and I had set it on the stove top... on a burner that was still on.
My first reaction was to pull the bowl off the range. Great idea. *Don't ever do that if you're ever in this situation.* The entire bottom of the bowl had melted to the range, so when I pulled it up, all of the potatoes fell out the bottom. These weren't some lame old hard and lumpy potatoes. These were immaculately created gourmet and creamy whipped potatoes. It made the most fascinating "spleck" noise as it all hit the disgusting floor of my kitchen. I wish I had it recorded.
If nothing else, I learned a valuable lesson last night. I couldn't decide whether to keep it warm and clean everything off while the range was hot and everything was mushy and gooey, or if I should let it cool and try to pick it off later. I decided to go with the latter, and it worked like a gem. After clearing the potato depris, I pulled that dried melted plastic off like a flapjack off a griddle.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

2008-02-13T13:23:00.003-07:00

Every week or so, I get to take my neice and nephew to lunch. More specificly, to the "Fry Store". My nephew loves fries. I think he thinks they are their own food group.
I just got back from lunch with the chill'ens, and it was a great time as always. This specific fry store is very friendly when we go. When the kids are done with their meals, someone always comes and asks if the kids would like Courtesy Cones. Oh heck yah. Who can say no to free icecream?
At any rate, the Fry store we went to today was kind of on the scetchy side of town. Run-down houses, midget-prostitutes, boarded up windows... you know the place I'm talkin about. Along with the scetchy location of the store, was the scetchy employees. I'm not saying anything about their character at all, just their appearances. Hydrogen Peroxide blonde skunk hair, leathered and sunken drug-enduced faces. All very nice. At the end of our meal today came a friendly lady to ask us if we wanted our Courtesy Cones. I should note that my nickname for this lady, politically incorrectly, is Snaggletooth McWolfenfang. ... Nuf said.
After she turned around from so sweetly giving us our free icecream, my three-year-old nephew says at the top of his lungs, "WHY COME DAT LADY HAVE BROKEN TEETH?"

BATMAN RETURNS!

2008-01-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

As a post-log to my previous post regarding my supervisor the swindler:

I called HR to ask what I should do about the situation. They told me the proper chain of command to follow, and I confided in the Chair of the Department. He was oddly very excited because they were looking to make paperwork against her (she's not the most cheery person).
They all had a meeting and the chair confronted her about her payroll reporting. She snapped. She screamed that it was none of my business and was saying that she wanted to file a grievance against me. The chair declined, nicely stating that she was crazy, and also noting the guilty behavior. Given, if someone came to me and said "We're suspiscious of your timecard reporting, so we're just going to look in to it a little", I would feel hurt, but not in denial. Fine with me. I'm honest, so you can look, but you won't find any discrepancies. Quite the opposite statement when you scream and try to put the blame and focus on an innocent by-looker.
At any rate, after a few days of meetings and meetings and meetings, they have revoked all of her managerial duties, rights, privileges, etc., and have put those responsibilities on a different staff member. She is now required to document every hour she is not in the office, the reason, and how she is going to make it up.
My new manager is a peach, but I still work in the same room as the old manager. She is very hostile to me and for the most part gives me the silent treatment. Which I really don't mind.
Since then, I have had multiple staff and faculty members coming to me and telling me how much they appreciate what i've done. I feel like Dorothy, getting swarmed by little munchkins after dropping a house on a witch.
Thanks for your support and comments friends and family!

Little People, Big... Mouth?

2008-01-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I made quite a slew of mistakes. The first one was going to Costco on a Saturday. :-S The hustle and bustle drives me nearly to a full-blown panic attack.
The second mistake was entirely something to be shown on some late-night sitcom. Too bad Seinfeld isn't still around...
As I was making my way back to the frozen food section, I had to meander through the free sample tables. Most of them aren't appetizing to me at all... Clam Chowder, Vitamin suppliments, etc. But as I turned a corner, I saw a Costco man sitting at a table for those Hilshire Farms Li'l Smokies things. I love those things. I got all excited. I could feel my eyes grow wide and I made one of my happy noises. Almost too loud for a Costco on Saturday, I exclaim "I LOVE LITTLE WEINERS!!"
Almost as suddenly as I had said it, I noticed that the man sitting at the Li'l Smokies table wasn't sitting at all. He was actually standing. He was a midget.
I furiously blushed and felt terrible, hoping that the Little Man hadn't heard my audible interjection.
But then I thought, "That's not my fault! Who's idea was it to use a Little Person to promote Fun-Size entities?"

WTF?

2008-01-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=333&sid=2507267

Some people need to get a life.

BATMAN BEGINS?

2008-01-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months I have had a sneaking suspicion that one of my supervisors hasn't been completely honest on their time card reporting, namely regarding vacation hours.
So a little snooping in my databases led me to discover that this past pay period (covering the Christmas Break), she reported 7 hours vacation although she had taken an entire week and a half off.
I fear my work environment has turned into Gotham City with crooked politicians and leaders. If I try to do what's right and expose the crooks, what retaliation can the leaders have against me? Namely, can I lose my job?

INconCEIVABLE!

2008-01-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

Preface: For the past 2 months, my family has been planning an amazing trip to Belize in April.
The trip is being cut down to only one week, from Friday to Friday, due to a cousin's wedding on Saturday. I know, gimme a break. Cutting a trip short for a measley wedding? In my opinion, if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.... :-) just kidding.

Postlog: My family has a newsletter, if you can believe it. It's called "The Breinholt Bragger", and is published monthly.

The January 2008 edition was hot off the press today, and on the front page in small lettering, almost undetectable, was an announcement that my cousin's wedding has been pushed back 2 months because they couldn't seem to get everything together during their 4 or 5 month engagement, and will now take place in June.

We just bought the plane tickets last week.

In the words of Stephanie Tanner from Full House,
HOW RUDE!!

Mama Jean

2008-01-15T09:10:00.001-07:00

This is my mom number two. When I say that, people ask "Oh, is your original mother deceased?".
No. She's very much still here. It just took two mothers to raise me.